Toys Aren’t Just for Kids: The Grown Woman’s Guide

Let’s talk about something we weren’t told growing up: your sex life doesn’t disappear when your last child moves out, your hormones shift or your partner starts snoring louder than a freight train. In fact, it might just be getting interesting.

Ok, so if the idea of bringing a sex toy into your life makes you raise one eyebrow and reach for your reading glasses, stay with me. This isn’t about being edgy or outrageous, it’s about being honest. Because for far too long, women have been expected to put their desires second - or ignore them altogether.

Growing up, many of us were taught to be modest and graceful. “Nice girls” didn’t talk about masturbation, let alone invest in something with a charging cable. But being a grown woman and owning a vibrator aren’t mutually exclusive.

Using a sex toy doesn’t mean you’re lonely, desperate or acting out a midlife cliché. It means you know your body deserves joy, curiosity and a damn good orgasm. This isn’t about replacing a partner - it’s about reconnecting with yourself.

Why Sex Toys?

Because they can be fun and unexpectedly empowering. And because your sexual wellbeing should come at the top of your priority, especially during times of transition like menopause, divorce or rediscovering yourself after decades of putting everyone else first.

Sex toys can help you explore what you like and remind you of what you may have forgotten. They can make solo time more satisfying, enhance intimacy with a partner and even support sexual health after menopause by boosting circulation and encouraging connection. Most importantly, they can reignite confidence, sensuality and a sense of pleasure that’s entirely your own.

Let’s Get You Started:

Think of toys like wine; you can sample a few before you find your favourite.

Bullet Vibrator – Small, Subtle & Beginner-Friendly: This is often the first toy women try for good reason. Bullet vibrators are compact, quiet and designed for external stimulation, mainly the clitoris. They’re easy to use, unintimidating in shape and ideal if you’re looking for something discreet that gets the job done without bells and whistles. A great choice if you’re new to toys or simply want something simple and effective.

Wand Vibrator – Powerful, Deep & Surprisingly Versatile: Designed for strong, rumbly vibrations if you want more intensity - and they double up as brilliant body massagers too (yes really!). While they can feel a bit bold at first, many women find them to be the most satisfying, especially during or after menopause, when stronger stimulation can feel better.

Suction Toys (Clitoral Stimulators) – The High-Tech Toys: These new kids on the block use gentle air pulses instead of vibration to stimulate the clitoris. Many women describe it as mimicking oral sex or feeling like a soft, rhythmic flutter. They're quiet, focused and often lead to faster, more intense orgasms. If you’re curious about something new, this is a modern game-changer that’s especially popular with women in their 40s, 50s and beyond.

Internal Vibrators – Classic Shapes for Deeper Exploration: These are designed for vaginal or G-spot stimulation, with some shaped to target the G-spot more directly, and others offering dual-action pleasure (like the iconic Rabbit). They come in all shapes and sizes, and are softer, quieter and more flexible than they used to be.

Couples’ Toys – A Shared Experience: Designed to be worn or used during sex to enhance sensation for both partners. Some slip between bodies, some are worn like rings and others come with remote controls that add a bit of playful anticipation. For couples who want to explore toys together without losing intimacy or connection.

Yes, Lube is Your BFF: Especially post-menopause, when natural lubrication can dip. Go for water-based ones with most toys; silicone-based lasts longer but can damage silicone toys so always check the label.

Like any trusted companion, your toy deserves a little TLC. After each use, give it a gentle clean with mild soap and warm water or a proper toy cleaner, nothing too harsh or scented. Most toys come with a discreet pouch, so make the most of it and resist the urge to toss it in the bottom of your bedside drawer next to old receipts and tangled jewellery. Don’t forget to keep it charged, because when the mood hits, you don’t want to be left with nothing but good intentions and a dead battery. And if you’ve still got kids in the house, maybe store it somewhere a little less... accessible than your go-to hiding place for snacks.

Menopause & Pleasure Can Co-Exist:

Hormones shift. Libido changes. But that doesn’t mean desire disappears. Having chatted to lots of friends mid-life, sex becomes more selective, more thoughtful and, yes, often more powerful. Pleasure doesn’t fade with age and sex toys can be a gentle, joyful way to stay connected to that part of yourself without pressure, performance or anyone else’s expectations.

And remember, it's completely normal to feel awkward about using a sex toy. But the point is, you’re showing up for yourself. You’re exploring and being curious and saying yes to rediscovery. There’s no one way to reconnect with your sexuality - only your way. And that’s exactly how it should be.

Where to Shop:

The landscape has changed a lot since the days of dodgy sex shops hidden down back alleys (no pun intended). You no longer have to brave a neon-lit doorway or feel like you’re sneaking into somewhere you shouldn’t be. While high street stores like Ann Summers offer variety, they can sometimes feel a little overwhelming or not quite your pace. If you’re after something more discreet, elegant and informative, look to modern retailers who focus on real women’s needs.

Lovehoney – Affordable, friendly and an endless choice.

Dame – Beautiful, unintimidating designs with the tagline “Vibrators, Reimagined By Women/

Maude – Ergonomic devices made from soft-touch and body-safe silicone.

Lora DiCarlo – High-end innovation and home of the bestselling Osé 2.

Coco de Mer – Luxurious and sensual, renowned as the finest name in sensual satisfaction